To : Mr R

i know i haven't been blogging for months.

i have let this space rot.

when i realize all this, i'm now in china.

months back i was excited over this 6 month trip.

weeks back i was scare to be here alone but i manage to handle it.

now i remember the day i left Singapore, leaving all my love ones there.

i feel lost.

to many, they felt that i was brave to decide this.

to many, they felt that i was just trying to prove something.

to many, they felt that i might not be able make it.

to many, they felt that i was fortunate to be here.

there are too many people for me to care.

but to me, i know/ i believe my love ones will support what i choice to do.

for this 6 month, i might be complaining a lot, i feel like why do i have to suffer here.

but i told myself i choose this path, i have complete this whole process. and i need to learn something here. i have to hold my tears. i have to take care of myself. compare to the people in japan suffering, i'n noting. i shall hold not regret.

coming to china alone need courage but i need more support from my love ones.

after coming to china, i have realize that people here are totally different from singpore.

they are not as nice as Singapore,

they are rude and uncultured people, dirty, no basic courtesy and more..

just a simple visa, i can't even complete by 2 week.

make a call to the center, they will refer to another center, when you call to the center,

they will ask you to call another center.

when you go to the office, they will say all kind of excuse to refuse your request.

e.g.your photo, your passport, your forms, your document ...

all kind of excuse they can come out.

i had been pissed by them.

they are a bunch of lazy and stupid people.

but i have to say that not all of them are like this.

luckily i have qing fang here.

she have been very nice and helpful to me.

but now i have to stamp my passport every 2 week. =(( i dun like to take boat.

and i will spent more $$. arggg..

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Eminem]
I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer
I suffocate
And right before I’m about to drown
She resuscitates me
She fucking hates me
And I love it
Wait
Where you going
I'm leaving you
No you ain't
Come back
We're running right back
Here we go again
It's so insane
‘Cause when it's going good
It's going great
I'm Superman
With the wind in his bag
She's Lois Lane
But when it's bad
It's awful
I feel so ashamed
I snap
Who's that dude
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

[Refrain - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Eminem]
You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe
When you're with them
You meet
And neither one of you
Even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills
Used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick
Of looking at 'em
You swore you've never hit 'em
Never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face
Spewing venom
And these words
When you spit 'em
You push
Pull each other's hair
Scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down
Pin 'em
So lost in the moments
When you're in 'em
It's the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it's best
To go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
‘Cause today
That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It's a different day
Sound like broken records
Playin' over
But you promised her
Next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane

[Refrain - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Eminem]
Now I know we said things
Did things
That we didn't mean
And we fall back
Into the same patterns
Same routine
But your temper's just as bad
As mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love
You're just as blinded
Baby please come back
It wasn't you
Baby it was me
Maybe our relationship
Isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens
When a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is
I love you too much
To walk away though
Come inside
Pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity
In my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed
I'll aim my fist
At the dry wall
Next time
There will be no next time
I apologize
Even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games
I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
I'm ‘na tie her to the bed
And set the house on fire

[Refrain - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie.

p.s i love the way you are. not lie.

when you stand up, Feeling strong
when you take the jump to feel the thrill
you feel like you're on top of the world
but when you fall Into deep sorrow and darkness
it's as alive can be
You are dead.

The fear

I want to be rich and I want lots of money
I don’t care about clever I don’t care about funny
I want loads of clothes and fuck loads of diamonds
I heard people die while they are trying to find them

And i’ll take my clothes off and it will be shameless
Cause everyone knows that’s how you get famous
I’ll look at the sun and I’ll look in the mirror
I’m on the right track yeah I’m on to a winner

I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore
I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear?
‘Cause I’m being taken over by the fear

Life’s about film stars and less about mothers
It’s all about fast cars and cussing each other
But it doesn’t matter cause I’m packing plastic
and that’s what makes my life so fucking fantastic

And I am a weapon of massive consumption
And its not my fault it’s how I’m programmed to function
I’ll look at the sun and I’ll look in the mirror
I’m on the right track yeah we're on to a winner

I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore
I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear?
‘Cause I’m being taken over by the fear

Forget about guns and forget ammunition
Cause I’m killing them all on my own little mission
Now I’m not a saint but I’m not a sinner
Now everything's cool as long as I’m gettin thinner

I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore
I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear?
‘Cause I’m being taken over by fear



can we just pretend that noting have change

ling 20th b'day celebration
we had fun a pit stop.
was cheap because there is a promotion for friday.
12 - 6pm games only $34(4 person package)
free flow of drink plus one finger food.
and during the game ling and juan play cheat!!
it does not matter as long as ling enjoy herself and love the present.




after pit stop me, mr uncle reuben, juan and leon went to haji lane to seesha.
before seesha me and reuben took some picture at the fav spot.